Gone are the days of simple adolescent woes of generations past which came in the form of pimples and perspiration, or the drama of starting one’s menstrual cycle for the first time ever (at school would be the worst of nightmares), and the easy remedies with which to solve them that came in the way of pimple cream, deodorant and plenty of the proper menstrual apparatuses on hand in your school locker accompanied by loads of moral support from your best girlfriends.
Other pubescent problems might show themselves in the way of finding out you have to wear headgear along with your braces (as if the braces weren’t bad enough all by themselves) or the boys at school somehow finding out the meager size of the bra you wear, then notifying everyone in school of the paltry dimensions of your womanhood.
Stiff Competition
With all of the drama a girl at this age could hope to have to conquer, and even with an arsenal of good friends at her side (because girls at this age no matter how seemingly sweet, can quickly become nasty and vindictive toward their peers) one would trust she would have the support, love and encouragement of her mother. Sadly, many girls today couldn’t hope for such a support system, because their very source for emotional support has become their competition when their own mother tries to dress and act just like them.
Trying to outrun the hands of father time, these moms stop at nothing to fit into the tiniest clothes, go tanning, get hair extensions and so forth, all in the hopes of appearing more youthful and in the process becoming the competition for, and thus almost the adversaries of their own daughters.
Unfortunately, nothing says that you are hanging on to your youth by the whites of your knuckles like a forty-plus year old woman wearing a spray-on tan, knee high Ugg boots and a denim mini skirt. What’s worse is that this kind of egotism on the part of such mothers is a growing trend and includes more than than moms just dressing like their daughters. According to the book Will I Ever Be Good Enough: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, author Karyl McBride highlights some horrifying statistics on the subject. In fact, McBride notes that as many as 1.5 million women possess narcissistic personality disorder or NPD, whereby not only do they they compete with their daughters daily (looks and body size are often common themes) but many girls feel that their mothers are jealous of them as well.
It’s Not Hurting Anyone
While many moms of teenage girls feel that it is their right to fight the battle of growing old anyway they choose, they may not realize that this particular method of dressing similar to and trying to be as young their daughters not only causes mom to look much older than she is, but it causes her daughter to feel bad about herself.
In her book, author Karyl McBride also notes how such mothers often produce overachieving daughters who work themselves into a stupor trying to fill what is a bottomless pit of unrealistic standards they could only hope to fulfill, because mom has set the bar far too high for her daughter to reach. In contrast, McBride notes that mother-daughter relationships such as these have been known to create an extreme underachiever, who lacks the self esteem and confidence to ever succeed in life.
A Word to the Wise
Sadly, any time a grown woman chooses to compete with the likes of a teenage girl, no matter how in shape and “hot” her body looks, no matter how many blonde hair extensions she may have and no matter how miniscule the size of her True Religion Jeans might be, the teenager is always sure to win. Further, while it is not wrong for mothers to look fabulous and even sexy at any age, perhaps some should find a different role model. Take into account women such as Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry and Diane Lane: all are mothers and all over the age of forty. Yet one wouldn’t exactly describe any of them as dowdy; to the contrary. They are beautiful and sophisticated, but most importantly, they are self possessed and confident.
Consider the fact that if a mother constantly tries to look and behave like one of her daughter’s peers, then whom will her daughter aspire to be like? Whom can she look up to if not her own mother? Granted, no girl will ever be exactly like her mother and in fact, most girls go through distinct phases in their lives where they want to be like anything but their mothers. Nonetheless, when a daughter does look to her mom for direction, support and advice, that mom can provide it for her, but not if is she is dressing and acting like her daughter’s twin. In short, when moms compete with their offspring, they not only age themselves and reveal their own insecurities, but they cause their daughters to feel confused and insecure in who they are as young women.
Remember that you will always look far older stumbling over yourself to compete with your daughter and other girls her age than you would owning who you are - or who you could be - as a refined, stylish and classy woman, and while no one is disputing that women can and should look and feel as beautiful and healthy as they can at any age, there are numerous ways to do so other than making oneself over in the image of her teenage daughter.
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